He was desperate for getting attention from his childhood. It is thought that the first word would be "listen" from his mouth. But he still feels after 25 years that he hasn’t been heard yet. He knows that there will be some people for whom he has an importance but couldn’t make himself believe that. In simple, he doesn’t know from when he started feeling complexed.
This situation could have only two reactions. Fight or silence. He adapted the second one. He became silent. He doesn’t remember that he has wished for anything in his childhood from my parents but this silence is only of tongue. In his subconscious fight continued. He tried to come near the people but his subconscious always makes him believe that he emits radiations which repel others from him.
When he started to go to school, nothing changed. He couldn’t make friends. The fear inside him did not allow him to go near someone. The lack of self confidence pushed him to get support but from where he could get self confidence for getting support.
Finally books became his support. He read every single available thing. It ranged from temporarily emotional satisfying poetry of "Amjad Islam Amjad" to symbolic mental strength giving lectures of " Allama Muhammad iqbal". The liberalism of "Manto" was seen along with grip of words of " Qurat-ul-ain- Haider". As a result, he has got the mental strength form these books but couldn’t find the emotional support which he was searching. He remained alone among so many people around him.
In the final years of his university, he has changed his reaction. He broke his silence. He has started using his knowledge as hammer. Whoever came in front was being smashed by that hammer. That brought few people near to him but ultimate result was the same as that of silence. Running away of people. After university while doing his job in industry, he has seen life in its real colors. Unlimited busy life has taken both his silence and arguments but couldn’t snatch his loneliness.
Then he decided to get more experience of life and came to Germany for higher education. Here he has used another tactic. He has decided to recognize himself. It was not as easy as it looks. Fortunately there was river nearby. No one knows why but it is considered that one can think about himself sitting near river or ocean.
He couldn’t recognize himself but discovered some of his powers at least. Not only discovered but used as much as possible. He met a lot of people from all over the world. He attacked them with his discussions. These discussions include everything from discipline of Germans to the reasons of racism in South Africa in past and from signs of Arabs in Spanish people to the love of arts in French people. (incomplete) Written on Dec. 2005
Addition on August 2006:
Then bomb blasted inside him which splitted him into thousand of pieces. He vanished. After seeing pieces, one can guess that there was building here but can’t know about its shape and structure. From few days He is trying to construct new building by collecting pieces. It is not possible but still there is a faint hope that people will be able to see bad conditioned building whom one can give the name of Faizan. (Still incomplete)
Addition on April 2008:
An year has been passed since he has came back to Pakistan. Many baots have been landed and many ships have left meanwhile. But an island remained island. (completed)
